Author: mookyj
Reapercide
Reapercide
ˈriːpə-cide
(Noun)
The intentional act of provoking a lethal response from another turkey hunter. Achieved by donning a life-like or real turkey tail fan, whole or in part 3D decoy or taxidermy and carried/worn in front of their position for concealment while stalking, belly crawling, otherwise moving on lands designated for hunting. Other variations include gun barrel or archery mounting apparatus and hat mounted decoys or fans. Mimicking the calls of a wild turkey is often used while “reaping.”
Conceptually reflects of the hunter’s state of mind, and desire to end their own life, which can be difficult to determine post mortem. A suicide note may not be present or intent verbalized prior to the event. Research indicates an observed phenomenon of an absence of fatalistic thoughts and attributed to a hyper-focused psychosis to harvest wild turkeys with an acutely inhibited basal response of self-preservation. A suppressed cognitive awareness for the safety of others is also observed.
Hunter Safety PSA’s and hunter safety education materials state that hunters must clearly identify their target, and strongly cautions against stalking as an increased foreseeable risk. Reaping compromises commonly known safety practices by direct imitation, mimicking target animal sought after in legal seasons.
Also, see:
Suicide by turkey hunter
ˈsuəˌsaɪd bɪ ˈtɜrki ˈhʌntər
(adjective)
Turkey Fanicide
ˈtɜrki fanni cide
(Noun)
For a representative reenacted example see video below:
Turkey Fanning from Brian Flowers on Vimeo.
© 2020 Mike Joyner- Joyner Outdoor Media
Turkey Fanning & Reaping, Not Legal In All States
The NWTF and most if not all hunter safety education curriculums promote hunter safety in their published materials in all states which cautions specifically against the practice of stalking (fanning/reaping.) It can be claimed in all states but I have not confirmed that. As hunting regulations are governed by each state, the list is based on the premise of what is officially published.
It is popular among some hunters and prominently shown on some TV hunting shows. For calling it out, one can expect the usual pushback, attacks and trash talk. Nonsense, as a valid criticism of a practice laden with foreseeable risk, I’ll not apologize...
I get plenty of flack from those that subscribe to “any means possible.” A few decoy companies catering to the practice will not be sending christmas cards any time soon. I get that some see it as exciting and possibly the only thing that might work for gobblers that won’t leave a field, won’t budge. Outwitting a gobbler on its own terms might be fodder to be accused of elitism by these folks.
From personal experience, outwitting a stubborn gobbler by having the right set up, convincing the gobbler to forgo his natural instincts, and making calls that the bird wants to hear is a satisfaction you long remember.
Hate to break the news, that in the act of fair chase, the gobbler does win out sometimes. It is actually ok when it happens. We all have our nemesis, project birds that cause many hours of scheming and frustration. The reward of reaping or fanning a gobbler to a successful conclusion fails to outweigh the chosen and foreseeable risk.
Many of us find it an unacceptable risk with the exception of wide open fields/spaces where rifles are not allowed. As trespassing is far too common, the private land argument claiming it to be be safe holds no weight. The chaotic gun handling during a reaping, fanning stalk shown in videos is enough to make any hunter safety instructor cringe. It should make us all cringe.
Each year stories appear across the USA of a turkey hunter being shot. Sometimes a fatality, others a painful removal of dozens of leaded or tungsten shot, surgery, scarring, loss of sight or disfigurement. Details in nearly all reporting is sketchy, lacking in details as reporters are not intimate with our sport. Far too often it is called an accident which is a misuse of the term.
I am happy to report that fanning and reaping fatalities are not growing in epidemic numbers… At least by what can be researched online. There have been a few, each tragic and of course 100% avoidable. It is entirely preventable with the golden rules we are to abide by each time we head to the turkey woods. Zero incidents is the acceptable number as it is 100% preventable.
My opinion has not lessened or moderated on the idea of stalking or stalking with a manufactured or taxidermy decoy/fan of a gobbler carried in front, on the barrel, or as a hat decoy. Stalking of any kind plagues our sport and has for many years. The method is identified as one of the leading causes of turkey hunting incidents and fatalities.
List of States, Provinces
In a review on the various DNR’s, DEC’s, DWR’s etc, the following States enacted a ban on the practice of stalking, fanning, reaping, and specifically stated in their turkey hunting regulations:
Michigan New Jersey Pennsylvania South Carolina (WMA’s only) Rhode Island
The following States, and one Canadian Province issue a statement of caution specifically in their hunting regs and or species specific guides against the practice of stalking as a matter of safety:
Alabama Arkansas California Connecticut Idaho
Kentucky (specifically fanning/reaping) Maine Maryland Missouri
New York New Hampshire North Carolina Oklahoma Oregon
Ontario, Canada Vermont Washington Wisconsin
There may be more that publish separately as safe hunting tips, and hunting education courses. For my research I used the published hunting regs for each state or province. I will edit the list as others become known.
I would not expect states with predominantly wide open spaces to adopt such restrictions. Should there be an uptick in reckless events, fatalities, I would expect more states to take a more conservative position on this.
-MJ
© 2020 Mike Joyner- Joyner Outdoor Media
New York Sportsmen & Gun Owners- Give a Damn about Constitutional Rights?
The expected answer would be yes, hell yes, of course, without question…
A preemptive disclaimer- There is no sugar coating it, no regard for moderate compromise or apologists in this commentary. For those offended, not sorry. We cannot be sidetracked about the likability of the truth or the notion of being politically correct.
An automatic ‘Yes’ response serves no one when it comes down to ideology, core principles put to action. As a whole, gun owners, hunters, archers, trappers competition shooters and sportsmen in New York State fail miserably. Despite a large demographic and cross section of the population in the Empire State, we effectively neuter ourselves and there is no valid reason to justify that being the case
To be fair, there are those among us that vote, participate in the political process, petition and spread the word, you know who you are and it is not intended to insult your sensibilities. Sadly too many sit on their hands when push comes to shove.
Despite the fly by night passage of the ‘Safe Act,’ an egregious assault on second amendment rights and further restriction on law abiding citizens, Our Governor was reelected with little opposition by our ranks.
We tolerate increasing restrictions by the state, counties and towns in firearm laws and those pertaining to hunting, fishing and trapping and we are being dictated to by those that have little to no understanding or working knowledge and generally allow us to pay our way while putting a virtual thumb on every aspect of our activities and inalienable rights. It is also to our further dismay that those that are bent on removing the first and second amendments and to end all hunting and fishing get ample access to our political system and yet we are far too apathetic. As a group we allow this as we decry downstate politics. Sorry, but it’s total bullshit. We failed to see it through.
All eyes are on Virginia for a possible showdown between a tyrannical governor/administration and second amendment rights. Calls for violent confrontation are more frequent and alarming. 85 of Virginia’s 95 counties have declared themselves as Second Amendment sanctuaries, modeled after immigration sanctuaries which are the unintended outcome of defying federal law. When by the stroke of a pen you declare firearm owners felons by merely owning a legally purchased firearm, it will end badly if it is not struck down. It can be argued that treason is being committed against the citizens of Virginia and entirely unconstitutional on its face.
The framers intended that the second amendment be written purposely to defend against a tyrannical government and acts of treason upon us. It is that plain and simple. One can reasonably argue that Virginia is on a collision course here. New York, California and a few others are predicted to follow suit.
Why do we care in New York? You can be sure that what happens in Virginia if successful in taking away these rights, New York in all its levels of government will follow suite and waste no time in doing so. As such, only one county in NY has followed the examples in Virginia in declaring themselves a Second Amendment Sanctuary. One has to ask why only one? Are we asleep at the wheel?
Getting back to the assertion that we do not act in mass as a Tour de Force…
For decades as a group we decry that downstate dictates all things within the state politics and laws that are passed. In the case of issues of interest to gun owners and sportsmen there is simply no truth to it. In the past election had just firearm owners voted in mass, Cuomo would have been defeated by an 700K-1.1M margin depending on what numbers you believe. There is no plausible excuse, especially if all gun owners, hunters, fisherman, trappers, archers voted consistently. Had we or in the future vote as a group, in mass, infringements on our rights including first and second amendments, our beloved pursuits would see a return as unpinged and free from the constant assault and harassment that we continue to endure. There is much to be upended, reversed, null/voided and restored.
On social media we present ourselves as all badass, full of bravado… cold dead hands before ever surrendering… Sounds good, seen the movie… How many will cut and run at the first shots fired, as the first bodies hit the ground? Surely not the best outcome we might all agree. Clamoring for a civil war means many atrocities, countless dead, and families forever torn apart and irreparably changed. No reasoned person wants this as we view life as priceless. If we believe in living as free persons of this country, neglecting to vote is irresponsible.
If this social media warrior energy, bravado were redirected to the voting booth, the political process, we might affect change that is needed and not fast enough I might add. It may end up with the Supreme Court squashing this before critical mass. Without regard to that outcome, we can act together collectively and suspend the infighting and bickering to save what is most important and dear to us.
None of us alive today were born into servitude or as serfs to kings whom we broke away from in our founding. If you do give a damn about your rights and freedoms and that of your loved ones, your neighbors, your brethren, the passive response, sitting out elections is not a responsible choice, and you must exercise your rights as a citizen.
We cannot afford to continue letting others do our bidding…
-MJ
© 2019 Mike Joyner- Joyner Outdoor Media
I Have Not Forgotten 9/11, I Remember 9/12
As the anniversary of 9/11 arrives. 18 years have passed…
Am I at a crossroads with this? Are you? Your families? Your neighbors? Your friends? Your ideological opponents?
I’ll start…. no, on second thought, hell no…
Each of you can reflect, answer for yourselves…. I hope we agree on this…
I bring myself to watch the documentaries, the special coverage shows every year, whenever it is aired. The reading of the names is deeply moving, deeply upsetting and profoundly sad. I weep each remembrance, every anniversary, I will tomorrow, and in the years I have ahead that I am gifted, blessed to rise on this solemn day. Nearly 60 now, I have days that many never get to see. 2,977 are among them
2,977 innocents were murdered as infidels, targets of a hateful twisted sect of Islam, to the joy of many who claim to be peaceful followers of their faith. There is no sugar coating it… Politically correct does not apply. To say this or to observe it for what it is, is not Islamophobia, bigotry, racism or and other”ism” you can create. It is the raw ugly truth, signed in innocent blood.
9/12 not so many years after, do we fail to honor the lives lost on this fateful day, those lost while serving us in war, our daily lives? We hate each other by party affiliation, by whom we vote for, align ourselves with, we are nasty and uncivil to strangers and to those that love us. We are actually capable of being far better than this. I can remember a time…
Are we so entrenched, reverted, emotional zealots that we forgo the ideal that we honor the fallen by living the American Dream and all that it stands for? That they can no longer pursue? That we take on the daily challenges, carry on as it is the greatest honor to others whom sacrifice for us, for us to live well and in service to each other?
I’ll answer for you… Yes, hell yeah!
For those of you that are polar opposite to my conservative thoughts, that we might not share a strong Irish Stout together, I dedicate the following from my Irish roots to your betterment in life and to the hope we return to the land of united bloody Americans (as the Brits would call us) I fondly remember:
Irish Blessing
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
May God be with you and bless you;
May you see your children’s children.
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings,
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.
May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.
May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.
I have not forgotten:
The memories, the feelings from that day have not faded, nor diminished. It was to be a perfect blue bird day in September.
The near perfect September day morphed, shattered for thousands of victims in mere seconds for many, some in agonizing, terror filled minutes, hours yet for others.
In the ripples of life, our greatest loss is to never know or benefit from what great deeds and accomplishments from all those lost.
That we came together as Americans.We were united as Americans. We still are Americans. Many have forgotten this very fact in recent times.
Those that perished on this fateful day of September 11th, 2001.
Those that gave all in order to save lives. Heroes that walk among us to this day.
Those who survived only to succumb to it days, months, and years later.
That we are all equal by way of our maker
This is republish each year as I find it so important to include:
Each anniversary of 9/11, my thoughts return to two fellow NWTF members Cynthia Giugliano & Walter Weaver that we lost that day. A memorial webpage can be found at http://www.turkey-talk.com/9_11_01_memorial.htm
As you toe up on the start line of your favorite road race or triathlon or enjoy another fall season hunting our nation’s forests, fishing the lakes and streams of our great land, I ask that each of you give thought to those that serve us. In your travels I ask that you take the time to thank those that serve us, and continue to support what they do for our country.
Along with counting your blessings, say a prayer for all innocent victims, and that you do something on your part to make the world just a little bit better for those around you. We can all benefit from a little emphasis on acts of kindness.
© 2019 Mike Joyner- Joyner Outdoor Media
The Ultimate Spring Hat Trick Destination-Chautauqua County
A bold claim for a resource-laden state such as New York. To be clear, New York boasts many vibrant outdoor adventure meccas, but you’ll want to plan your next turkey hunting and spring fishing getaway to the outdoor paradise in Chautauqua County. Hunting and fishing interests are easy to satisfy and that’s the honest goal for every sportsman.
My recent hat-trick getaway to Chautauqua was memorable and was just what the doctor ordered to decompress and rejuvenate my busy business life. The excursion found me spring turkey hunting in the mornings with Jake Ensign, followed by an afternoon of fishing with Captain Frank Shoenacker of Infinity Charters. In the evenings, after the outings, I could choose from a smorgasbord of places to visit and explore. My base of operations would be at the Comfort Inn Hotel in Jamestown – it was close to Chautauqua Lake and the turkey woods. Perfect for the extra minutes of sleep needed when chasing gobblers. .
I met up with Jake Ensign, a supreme hunting friend that lives nearby.
Jake provided an eye-opening personal tour of his game room, as he is one of only a few dozen archery hunters to successfully hunt all of the North American Big Game Species. It was evident to me, Jake had spent many years of dedicated preparation to be so successful. Jake goes the extra mile, the extra 10 miles, in making each hunt an exercise in due diligence. It is impressive even to a veteran turkey hunter like myself.
My introduction to the Chautauqua County turkey woods came early the next morning and did not disappoint. We started out just above a vineyard on a ridge top with plenty of roost trees. Plenty of sign was present. Feathers, tracks, scat and dusting bowls were scattered about during our walk in and out. With the exception of two clucks further up the ridge behind us, we were greeted with a whisper quiet, yet beautiful morning. You could hear every sound and if a turkey gobbled, we could easily locate the bird and make an approach.
As the sunrise greeted us, a chorus of trains blasted their air horns providing shock gobble inspiration from nearby highway crossings far below us. The gobblers, however, opted to be of the strong and silent types. We gave it some time to let the place reveal itself and after several setups, we backed out to not disturb the location. Running and gunning was not the game plan that so many engage in when the action is at a lull. Jake had mentioned they have had many successful hunts in that spot. Assessing the area with such ample sign, I would agree. Of course, when you have plenty of Intel on an area, courtesy of Jake, you conduct each hunt more patiently.
After checking a number of properties in the southern region of the county we came upon a parcel not far from Route 86 and got an eager gobble in response to our pleas. With a flat ridge top that lay between us, we settled in to see if we could persuade him across. The wind had come up and it was a solid “maybe” as to whether or not the bird answered us after that. Thirty minutes later a report of something lesser than a 12ga shotgun rang out ahead of us, but much lower on the ridge on another property. We decided to back out. Consistent with other properties we checked, we would come across plenty of turkey sign including sets of gobbler tracks. We were in the middle of great turkey country.
The first morning concluded with sightings of a few hens out bugging in the fields, as we searched for more gobblers to keep track of for the next hunt tomorrow.
Having hunted gobblers in nearly half of New York’s 62 counties, I would point out that the turkey woods of Chautauqua County are among the nicest woods I’ve ever set foot in. A quick review of the past 10 years of harvest data reveals Chautauqua as #1 in New York for turkey hunting harvest. In any given season, Chautauqua is always in the top echelon. With over 20,000 acres of public forests and a mix of land types and food sources, it would be a sound recommendation to add Chautauqua County to your annual spring and fall gobbler chasing vacations.
Before heading out for an afternoon of fishing with Captain Frank Shoenacker on Chautauqua Lake, Jake suggested that we have the best sandwich to be had anywhere (i.e. North America) for lunch. I naturally agreed. My sampling verified his suggestion. A trip to the Ashville General Store is must do stop during your time in the area. The “Jester” spicy turkey sub served hot is a turkey hunter-approved menu item –https://ashvillegeneral.com
After that great lunch, I met up with Frank at the Bemus Point boat launch. The launch was easy to find and not far from the exit off Route 86 for Bemus Point. With eight boat launch sites available on Chautauqua Lake, there is ample access for all boaters – https://www.dec.ny.gov... The Lund Tournament Pro-V was perfect on this beautiful, sunny afternoon. The Lund had a heavier hull and was stable, even in the slight chop we had.
On this outing, Frank and I would both fish and that set the table for a relaxing time on the water. We fished simple, drifting live worms along weed beds and enjoyed lots of fun conversation. As Frank spends more time guiding than fishing, I invited him to fish too and our trip became perfect fun. We were using a killer rig, a homemade double-hook worm harness with a butterfly spinner made by Frank. It’s sort of a secret rig.
We were one of just a handful of boats on the water as you might expect at mid-week of the early season. We caught walleye, perch and a surprisingly large bullhead. A perfect afternoon.
In his larger boat, Frank also guides on Lake Erie: Infinity Charters – https://www.infinitycharters.com/. It is a fantastic way to plan an essential part of your Chautauqua Hat Trick.
Having fished Lake Erie in the past, it is also on my ‘A’ list to frequently visit. I plan to return with my bride of nearly nineteen years to modify the hat trick concept, this time, to be a fishing and lazy-tourist combo. Lee, my wife, loves to fish, and I have promised her to revisit the region.
For the evening, I visited the Southern Tier Brewing Company for a craft beer tasting and a pulled pork sandwich. Accompanied by their “Nitro Stout,” a great beer product, they earned my attention for another “must-do” stop while in the region. Their friendly staff and personal service were 5-star.
I caught up with Jake after dinner to plan the morning hunt and received good news. As Jake scouts at sunset periods, he has endless energy, he found two different turkeys roosted. This is the best kind of news to get when chasing gobblers. Again, another short night, but I would wake up 10 minutes before the alarm clock sounded. Excited? A little bit.
This last morning of my hunt, I would come to appreciate the dedicated strategies that Jakes executes. Our walk to the first roosted bird was in total silence, not a twig nor a dried leaf to reveal our progress. Jake routinely rakes and grooms his paths for stealthy approaches to known roosting areas. It is this extra effort that ups the odds for a successful hunt.
As daylight approached, a hen began to yelp on the limb, not sixty yards from where I sat. Jake mimicked her and I would also respond with muted tree yelps. No gobbling nearby, but one volley of gobbles came from the second location that Jake had marked the night before. It was a little over 250 yards from us. Once the hen flew down, she walked right past Jakes’ location as he sat motionless. She fed away. Once she left, we moved up about 100 yards toward a low swampy area where we had heard the gobbling
We got a quick response from four different gobblers once we sat down and began calling from our new position. They had closed the distance, spotting them moving to my left around the swamp at 80 yards. They were circling and closing fast. As seconds seemed far too long, the most aggressive and vocal of the birds marched in and would stop within range to survey for the hen. The brilliant red, white and blue heads of the gang of four was impressive. The boom that followed sent the other three back as quickly as they came. Maybe a little faster, as I think of it.
The turkey woods were picturesque with a lush green canopy newly emerged. It was a great hunt in a beautiful set of hardwoods. It also reaffirmed the wisdom in scouting, roosting, letting the hunt play out, and having patience which is a hallmark of Jakes’ approach and one I also favor.
We concluded the hunt with a hearty breakfast which always tastes a little better after a successful hunt! We’ll catch up again in the near future as we hunt common areas not far from my home and I’ll be sure to return!
There are so many places to visit here. Great eateries, wineries, breweries, entertainment venues – something for everyone.
I have planned a returned visit for next year, stay tuned!
-MJ
© 2019 Mike Joyner- Joyner Outdoor Media
#chautauqua, #Collin Voss, #Frank Shoenacker, #Jake Ensign, #Jamestown, #North American Big Game, #Southern-Tier Brewing, #turkey, Mike Joyner
Turkey Hunting State of Foolishness, Other Curious Observations
For followers of old school turkey hunting, infantrymen, lieutenants of the 10th Legion, a casual take on the current generation of local pro’s, and outspoken Facebook warriors. It is a chuckle to have a poke at the far too often overly animated foolishness of what is currently promoted, especially in social media, outdoor shows and turkey hunting TV shows.
Disclaimer: The following is to poke fun at in its entirety solely aimed at able bodied industry media, internet pro’s and TV show pro staff. Some among our ranks do not have the physical ability, taken for granted gifts from our maker to get on a ridge waging war on gobblers at a most physical level. Personally, those that get out there despite many difficulties have my admiration, respect, and support. Blinds, decoys are ideal for those afflicted, youths, have a definite role and a useful purpose. Good setups still apply.
- “Decoy Selfies” Maybe epic and appropriate for a snow goose hunt as the time and effort to create exquisite and effective patterns in cut corn fields might qualify for artistic copyright protection. It might not attest to the world at large your abilities that you need a week’s wages worth of plastic, foldable fabric to entice a two year old gobbler in range.
- “Long Range Shots” When you pull the trigger on what appears to be a black dot on your $25,000 8K HD Prosumer camera or you need a lens longer than your manhood and a diameter to match your slate call to fill up the frame you might want to switch to a rifle. It will be our little secret to not mention in public the half dozen long beards you crippled or dusted the mites off of last week. At least you got some excellent ‘B” roll for intros and scenic footage.
- “TSS or go Home” The latest must have… Why use a $2-$3 shell that flattens them at 40 yards when you can spend $8? Just how dead is dead? Please donate all your free cash to noble charities. Those that shoot at close and personal distances can actually kill a gobbler on his own terms in a good setup.
- “Reaping and Fanning” Really digging the filmed misses from being too close and chaotic gun handling when the gobbler rushes the fan/decoy nearly spurring you in the jewels. Educational to show the public how you can point your shotgun in all the wrong directions and walk away from it. We do appreciate the challenge over a calm, smooth squeeze in taking the shot. What could go wrong?
- “Dirt Nap Selfies” Who thought this was a great idea to start with? Not really a good look. Precursor to bestiality? Turkey love? We’ll just stop there on that one.
- Half hour TV show with roughly 12-18 minutes of hunting related footage, of which is endless mentions of products and sponsors. You do not have a show, it’s an infomercial, an extended commercial, interrupted with…. Commercials. I’ve seen it done where you can actually tell a story without naming every company that gave you product in alternating paragraphs. You can also take a series of hunt pictures other than obligatory commitments without it appearing as a floor display at Cabela’s.
- “10” Circle” What turkey nogg’n other than from prehistoric periods would you ever need to cover that as a target? If a gobbler closes the distance needing that big a pattern, I’ll need a bigger gun, maybe a bazooka or fragmenting ordinance. Since when are we wing shooting turkeys in flight regularly? 3” covers point of aim rather well. At what point did we focus on penetration-punching thin air?
- “Resurgence Of Customer Call Makers” Split observation as there are many with decades of excellence of artistry, improving and building upon their craft. A look on Facebook and Ebay would suggest that $200 worth of tools from Amazon, China and the finest lumber from home depot and you can achieve snobbery elitism in 3…2…1 Instant gratification without effort.
- “Face Painting” We’re not talking Navy Seals or sniper ops. If it’s your girlfriend, love of your life, yes we are accustomed to the practice. Let’s face it we enjoy women looking their best in hunting photo’s, on camera. Guys can pull off the sleep deprived two day stubble as the rugged look. If it’s your bro, fellow hunting partner, you have a girlfriend. A $4 facemask works.
- “Old School $$ Envy” $2,000 custom antique shotgun, $200 micro polished choke, $8 shells, $400 box call from the 70’s, designer head to toe camo in original tree bark (very pricey) Sits in a blind with $600 worth of plastic and a strutter decoy out in front. Total old school as they tell it and writes a 3,500 word story on each and every epic battle in the “deep woods and ridges”
- “Covered up in decals and patches” You spend boat loads of money to have the latest 3D HD ultra-permanent dyes in your camo gear, camo clad guns to only cover them up in branding/product decals in the most brightest colors. We have names for that; smart, pragmatic hunter is not among them. Also see: “All Product, No Story”
- “Victory Dance” We understand you finally outsmarted the most evil turkey this side of the Rocky Mountains. A deep humbling respect for your quarry might not be the message here, no matter what the script on the teleprompter says or how much you say it on ‘B’ roll.
-MJ
© 2019 Mike Joyner- Joyner Outdoor Media
Identify Your Political Affiliation As A Turkey Hunter
- It’s the middle of the second week of the spring season in Upstate NY.
- You are hunting state land and hear six, possibly eight different gobblers early morning. After several volleys of nonstop gobbling, you determine they all are very close to each other. You make your moves to close the distance.
- Each call you make is drowned out by thunderous gobbles. As you close the distance you find they are just a hundred yards away on private land.
- With a grove of pine trees in front of you, you close to within fifty yards undetected. You also know the land drops down to the valley not much further out beyond the pines. You make the softest purr you can muster, eight strutting long beards gobble so hard your pants wave.
- In all the excitement you just now notice (except the dufus republican, and the conservative too focused on gobbling) to the far left of your setup there’s a 50-gallon drum painted in camo hung up against a big maple tree limb with a feeder motor. There is corn everywhere, there is also a 5′ high fenced enclosure just beyond the pines that leads to the farm below
- Eight strutting long beards appear. They drop strut into a dead run towards the feeder.
You:
Anarchist- You have in your hands, the fastest cycling semi auto 12 gauge ever made. You fire two custom made (on the black market) fragmentation rounds. All eight gobblers are flattened at the blast. You avoid the police, the conservation officers which are called as the blast is heard throughout the valley. You have a backup plan to kill them all, should events not go as planned. They’ll never take you alive. No tags are used or reported.
Democrat- Hunting? Firearms? It should be banned, after taxing it to death for twenty years. You back out, hatch a plan with the DNC, US AG, and the FBI. You pay for a full jacked up documentation package. Next day you sneak back using a silencer and poach them all as they show up at the first cluck. You destroy all evidence and lay out a two-year investigation blaming Trump Jr. as a hedonist animal killer. Despite the elaborate efforts you still lose out on 1st place at the local spring turkey contest scoring and weigh in.
Republican– Landowner at work? You shoot two, sneak back over to state land, report your tags. Post like mad on Facebook. You then spend the next two years defending Trump Jr. You take 1st for beard, spurs, and weight. Rumors take on appearances as facts. You pick up your trophies leaving in a hurry and go on the fishing trip you just won…
Libertarian- Do not give it a second thought, shoot two gobblers, get out. Nobody’s business, tags are not reported
Conservative- You see the posted signs, you swear a bit, back up, set up and proceed to call in a gobbler from your right flank, and shoot. The birds out in front would not budge, not even to your $200 box call. They gobbled nonstop while you walked back to the truck. You tag and report. You go back a few days later hoping to call one off the property or until all the ruckus stirs one up from further down the ridge like before. Not a clue about the feeder until you hear it go off at 7AM. A pile of jakes show up at the feeder on cue. Mad as hell about the feeder, you leave. As you walk out in the daylight you notice the scattering of blood and feathers around the feeder. You get out of there and never look back. You have no clue about the enclosure until somebody at the diner accuses you of shooting a farm bird. You didn’t but now you are mad as hell, and damn sure it’s a liberal democrat that set you up. You decide to lay low, not enter the contest…
Green Party- all hunters should be arrested for felony crimes against humanity. except you of course…
It is expected that turkey hunters have a sense of humor given the daily doses of humility in any given season. Little bit of eye poking at at our crazy politics.
-MJ
© 2019 Mike Joyner- Joyner Outdoor Media
TurVenting
TurVenting
(noun)
A state of extreme aggressiveness, rage, anger stimulated by lack of turkey hunting, the discovery of trespassers, or to bear witness to bushwhacking. May become visibly agitated, physically violent in severe cases or when multiple mitigating circumstances are present.
Other side effects are known to occur when exposed to $200 decoys, TSS, fanning, and reaping. Current data reveals a causal relationship with age, days afield vs tags filled ratio’s, and geographical areas. An increasing number of seasons is thought to further severity of symptoms.
© 2019 Mike Joyner- Joyner Outdoor Media
RSS - Posts