For followers of old school turkey hunting, infantrymen, lieutenants of the 10th Legion, a casual take on the current generation of local pro’s, and outspoken Facebook warriors. It is a chuckle to have a poke at the far too often overly animated foolishness of what is currently promoted, especially in social media, outdoor shows and turkey hunting TV shows.
Disclaimer: The following is to poke fun at in its entirety solely aimed at able bodied industry media, internet pro’s and TV show pro staff. Some among our ranks do not have the physical ability, taken for granted gifts from our maker to get on a ridge waging war on gobblers at a most physical level. Personally, those that get out there despite many difficulties have my admiration, respect, and support. Blinds, decoys are ideal for those afflicted, youths, have a definite role and a useful purpose. Good setups still apply.
- “Decoy Selfies” Maybe epic and appropriate for a snow goose hunt as the time and effort to create exquisite and effective patterns in cut corn fields might qualify for artistic copyright protection. It might not attest to the world at large your abilities that you need a week’s wages worth of plastic, foldable fabric to entice a two year old gobbler in range.
- “Long Range Shots” When you pull the trigger on what appears to be a black dot on your $25,000 8K HD Prosumer camera or you need a lens longer than your manhood and a diameter to match your slate call to fill up the frame you might want to switch to a rifle. It will be our little secret to not mention in public the half dozen long beards you crippled or dusted the mites off of last week. At least you got some excellent ‘B” roll for intros and scenic footage.
- “TSS or go Home” The latest must have… Why use a $2-$3 shell that flattens them at 40 yards when you can spend $8? Just how dead is dead? Please donate all your free cash to noble charities. Those that shoot at close and personal distances can actually kill a gobbler on his own terms in a good setup.
- “Reaping and Fanning” Really digging the filmed misses from being too close and chaotic gun handling when the gobbler rushes the fan/decoy nearly spurring you in the jewels. Educational to show the public how you can point your shotgun in all the wrong directions and walk away from it. We do appreciate the challenge over a calm, smooth squeeze in taking the shot. What could go wrong?
- “Dirt Nap Selfies” Who thought this was a great idea to start with? Not really a good look. Precursor to bestiality? Turkey love? We’ll just stop there on that one.
- Half hour TV show with roughly 12-18 minutes of hunting related footage, of which is endless mentions of products and sponsors. You do not have a show, it’s an infomercial, an extended commercial, interrupted with…. Commercials. I’ve seen it done where you can actually tell a story without naming every company that gave you product in alternating paragraphs. You can also take a series of hunt pictures other than obligatory commitments without it appearing as a floor display at Cabela’s.
- “10” Circle” What turkey nogg’n other than from prehistoric periods would you ever need to cover that as a target? If a gobbler closes the distance needing that big a pattern, I’ll need a bigger gun, maybe a bazooka or fragmenting ordinance. Since when are we wing shooting turkeys in flight regularly? 3” covers point of aim rather well. At what point did we focus on penetration-punching thin air?
- “Resurgence Of Customer Call Makers” Split observation as there are many with decades of excellence of artistry, improving and building upon their craft. A look on Facebook and Ebay would suggest that $200 worth of tools from Amazon, China and the finest lumber from home depot and you can achieve snobbery elitism in 3…2…1 Instant gratification without effort.
- “Face Painting” We’re not talking Navy Seals or sniper ops. If it’s your girlfriend, love of your life, yes we are accustomed to the practice. Let’s face it we enjoy women looking their best in hunting photo’s, on camera. Guys can pull off the sleep deprived two day stubble as the rugged look. If it’s your bro, fellow hunting partner, you have a girlfriend. A $4 facemask works.
- “Old School $$ Envy” $2,000 custom antique shotgun, $200 micro polished choke, $8 shells, $400 box call from the 70’s, designer head to toe camo in original tree bark (very pricey) Sits in a blind with $600 worth of plastic and a strutter decoy out in front. Total old school as they tell it and writes a 3,500 word story on each and every epic battle in the “deep woods and ridges”
- “Covered up in decals and patches” You spend boat loads of money to have the latest 3D HD ultra-permanent dyes in your camo gear, camo clad guns to only cover them up in branding/product decals in the most brightest colors. We have names for that; smart, pragmatic hunter is not among them. Also see: “All Product, No Story”
- “Victory Dance” We understand you finally outsmarted the most evil turkey this side of the Rocky Mountains. A deep humbling respect for your quarry might not be the message here, no matter what the script on the teleprompter says or how much you say it on ‘B’ roll.
-MJ
© 2019 Mike Joyner- Joyner Outdoor Media
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